One of the most beautiful things in life is when you suddenly see the things around you as if they are all new. That feeling has been sneaking up on me often this year – I suddenly look at and think about the world, and it generates a feeling of great happiness as I marvel at the beauty and the complexity of it all.

Three days ago I was travelling for 7 hours in the open back of a pick-truck with 23 other people, my hair was sticking out like Medusas, grit covered every part of my body, mouth and eyes. Shoulder under shoulder with my travelling companions I was filled with the warmth of having shared these past months of my life with their countrywomyn and men. The afternoon turned to evening, and to night, and a fat yellow moon lit the faces of people sleeping around me as we sped through the night. I had one of those moments when you feel totally alive, so alive you’re bursting with it. It was a long journey, and despite travelling much of Cambodia’s back roads in this style I still haven’t got the hang of sleeping while bouncing off and on my seat regularly, so had time to ponder - as houses lit by small glowing fires sped by.

I have been keeping a diary of the thoughts and mental journeys I have been undertaking this year. I have under two weeks left of work, before I travel with my family into Lao by bicycle and then on to Aotearoa. My thoughts are totally scrambled at the moment, but hopefully over time they will consolidate, taking on forms which I will be able to express to people, but for now I would like to cut and paste some exerts from my diary.

But first I want to share an excerpt a dear friend sent me (thank you!) during one of the low moments here – it is one that has helped me accept that which I cannot change, and helped me accept and embrace my involvement in this world, my home, despite being far away from familiar surroundings.

“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of you body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place in the family of things”

Mary Oliver, "wild gesse"

***

“I’m in a rainstorm in Phnom Penh, sheltering under a tree, squatting on the ground, I’ve got a bag of eggs from the market, my checked kroma (Khmer scarf), my diary, and my camera. The thunder and lightening is amazing, the traffic is buzzing, the grass is the most amazing green, the sky is heavy grey, the people are colourful. I feel alive. I feel happy. I feel like I’m in the most vibrant place on earth. How cool to be alive!

This city is amazing, and it’s growing on me. It’s taking on less of an anonymous form, it’s people are becoming characters I recognise, it’s streets are now familiar, it’s smells are comforting, it’s sounds beginning to signify every day life for me. I think, at last, I am beginning to fall in love with this place”.

***
During a recent discussion with two Canadians who thoroughly stimulated my mind, one brought up the statement; “Why must North America change its culture to ‘save’ the world? Especially while ‘developing’ countries cultures can also damage the environment, but we allow them to preserve their culture at this cost”. (Out of context this perhaps gives a different portrayal of their character than I mean to… so ignore that for now).

After a good few hours of discussion, on this and similar topics I concluded in my mind that the flaw in this statement is to expect that any culture remains stagnant and unchanging. Culture is constantly evolving and changing, and it is within our power (as the people of a culture), to have some effect on that evolution, and, if we choose, to encourage it evolve in an environmentally sustainable/globally positive way. We have that choice, and it’s not about forcing a culture to change, or losing our culture, but about using the knowledge we have about the world, and using the power that self determination gives us, and choosing how we want our culture to evolve and develop.

***

One memorable interaction here with cultural/local knowledge sticks in my mind… When first arriving at work, I noticed that the condensed milk (standard here, rather than fresh stuff) was kept in a little bowl half filled with water. I mentally wondered how that was supposed to keep it cool and stop it from going off, and thought it a strange attempt at refrigeration – especially as the 40 degree temperatures had warmed up the surrounding water anyway. A few weeks later I realised that ants can’t swim – hence the moat around sweet milk (which, by the way, doesn’t seem to need refrigeration in the least).

It is a good, all be it slightly abstract, reminder (should it be needed), that everyone who is alive today, and every culture, has survived as successfully as any other. In the case of those like Cambodia, they have perhaps survived rather more trying times, at least during recent dates, than that of the ‘highly developed and successful’ ‘West’. That fact that people are alive shows that they and their ancestors and cultures have adapted, overcome and used effective systems to survive to the present age. Go the human race, with all its little tricks of the trade.

***

Many weekends have been spent in the company of a much loved friend who is a young Doctor here, supported by a French Church. In his company, and his quiet, strong faith, we have been pausing for Grace before each meal. Taking turns at saying it in Arabic, English, Maori and French (the household has been incredibly and delightfully varied this year). Reflection on this process, and a growing awareness of the importance of food – and how much we take it for granted, has encouraged the development of another kind of awareness and thankfulness in this small household.

To stop for a moment before eating, reminding ourselves that this food hasn’t appeared from nowhere. What part of the world and which animals have contributed to this plate before us now? To thank and respect those (often literally hundreds) of people who have been involved in the process. To remember that some have been harmed (through use of chemicals, un fair labour conditions, un fair pay, difficult social and environmental situations encountered en-route from growth or production in one part of the world, to consumption in another), and are perhaps suffering now, while we enjoy good food in good company. Further to remember that it IS within our power to bring food to other people, to purchase food which ensures a good wage to those who produce it, which ensures preservation of the environment, which minimises harm to other species on the earth. So, we thank those who have given so much in order that we may eat this, and we remember what a delight eating is for us, and do our best not to prevent – and instead intentionally act – so that others may also enjoy this delight.

Please keep this in mind when next buying food. Local markets, home country grown, least transported and organic produce is a good way to support the communities close to home, reduce the amount of money and resources spent on transporting food, and look after the environment (of ours and others). For luxuries, which don’t grow close to home, fair trade stores and sections of supermarkets offer chocolate, coffee, and even rice, oils and other staples which have been produced at a fair price, often under organic conditions. And if you find yourself in a position to share the enjoyment of feeling full, go for it!

For those in Dunedin check out the Fair trade store on George st, ‘Taste Nature’ in Moray place and the Farmers Market – Saturdays at the railway station (other suggestions, stick them in the comments section!).

Often it’s not too expensive, especially when you start buying more from the ‘needs’ list, rather than the wants list. Also, “the world needs to stop thinking in money and start thinking in energy”. This quote was read in the Pacific Ecologist (my new favourite magazine – thank you Sophie and Hazzah!). It’s about the need to start taking responsibility for our lifestyle, and our choices. Because that is what they are - Choices, choices with consequences, and not just for ourselves.

***

One more discussion topic has centred on my growing awareness that being able to freely move from one country to another is yet a further aspect of my life that many in the West take for granted. Scores of people here simply do not have a birth certificate or any registration of their being alive. This in itself is no problem, however in today’s society no recognition of being alive means no passport, which means no leaving your country of birth (even if they have no idea you’re a citizen). In addition, I have been shocked to understand the reality of being from an ‘undesired’ country through talking to friends from ‘terrorist’ countries, and how this affects their life choices – as most countries will either refuse entry or demand ridiculous fees to ‘consider’ visa applications [and all this argument takes place aside from the obvious differences in wealth throughout the world, which render travel affordable or not in the first place].

This is another area to quietly (or not so quietly) ponder, as we freely, and perhaps unfairly (?) move around and sample the world, while others are restricted to war zones, famine zones and countries which they would rather leave, but are prohibited from doing so.

“Who is it who has the right to say you have to pay to leave an artificial boundary?”

***

Some environmental things to consider:

WATER

Not flushing the toilet every time we pee (if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down).

Fill a sink or basin for washing dishes, and turn the tap on and off as you need water for teeth cleaning.

Save energy in the shower by having short showers, cold showers if you can, and try switching off the shower while you soap up, then back on for a rinse off.

In addition use eco friendly, bio degradable and environmentally safe alternatives to the traditional house and body cleaning products. What goes down the drain ultimately ends up in our environment – and it’s we who can stop putting it there! Go us!

But New Zealand isn’t short of water… However, water coming into our homes has been collected, treated and transported at a high energy and environmental cost, and (ideally) when we flush or run it down the sink it goes through another collection, transportation and treatment process. It’s a good idea to reduce this cost on the planet and save litres of consumption quality water at very little (if any) inconvenience to ourselves by little tricks like the ones above.

'INTENTIONAL' EATING

Get creative, I have already talked above about buying local, fair trade and organic. One other area is to reduce meat consumption…

Think vegetarian, vegan, intentional omnivore, freegan... the list goes on, and once again it is up to you how you define what you are happy with in terms of your own sustainable lifestyle choices.

But check out discussions around the impact that consuming large quantities of meat, and meat products, has on the environment (there is tones of info on the web, as well as bunches of funky, delicious vegetarian recipes).

For me at the moment, I’m vegetarian, and plan to re-introduce veganism to my home when I get back – although include locally produced, organic dairy products (eggs and milk products) when I can source them.

***

It is so hard to explain all that I have seen and felt and learnt this year. Yet at the same time I feel it is no more or no less than I could have learnt anywhere. I have spent many hours explaining myself to people here who call me ‘lucky to have such good money to travel and buy everything I want, and live in America’. My explanations often centre around attempting to install more pride and feeling of luck for those who feel they don’t have it.

It’s a difficult situation to be in, and I don’t deny that I am lucky (to be born where I was, to be free from persecution, to be blessed with many many opportunities, to have been in a situation to take up those opportunities), but luck is something universal (?). In some ways I feel I am going to go home and still be answering the same remarks. That people wish they had had the opportunity to live in Cambodia for a year and learn, and see and experience so much. What I want to say on this note, is that life surrounds all of us, wherever we are and whatever we are doing – and a years worth of learning can be as large or small as we choose to make it, regardless of where we are (*see the note below*). At times I have felt I have contributed, and learnt little during my time here, as I cry in frustration at difficulties and problems, and areas that I just can not access or contribute to. But at other times my eyes are open to the changes that have happened within me and around me, not just here in Cambodia, but throughout my whole life.

*Just to add to this though, and perhaps open up another discussion, I copied this conversation snippet into my diary after travelling to Ratanakiri (the far North East province of Cambodia) with Lauren and Rachael:

“You’re so lucky to have good money to be able to travel” – “It’s the truth, but we resent it, often deny it, and feel a twinge of un-comfort with that reality.”

***

Finally: On one rainy Sunday I scribbled a note to myself to help me work my way through the days here in Cambodia (and beyond). Entitled: “To have a positive effect on the world:”

1. Educate (ie share ideas) and encourage others
2. do no harm
3. plant trees (native ones)
4. work for positive differences in your realm, be active, identify problems/improvements, negotiate and implement change
5. Build good relationships around you. People are important.

All of the above is sure to be riddled with contradictory thoughts and statements – and probably some blind ignorance too. But I hope it gets you thinking, maybe introduces some new concepts and ideas, and opens your mind in some way – as my mind has been opened by others too. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts and responses, so email me, or come for an organic goodness pot luck dinner in the New Year!

Home soon,
Arohanui,

xx Anna